I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
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