Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
