There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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