Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
