They should really pass out barf bags in church
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize