dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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