I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
