I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
