Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
