I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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