So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
