I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
