You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
