if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Sober January is a disaster.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
