watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just pee around me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
