She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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