he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
