I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
