what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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