I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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