As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
