Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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