his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
