So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
