evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
