now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
