I've blown a few things in my day
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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