Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
