The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
