I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
