I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
