I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
