I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
