Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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