I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
