me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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