If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
