her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
