woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We left the knife in your bed.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
