Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
