HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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