I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
