So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
