sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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