i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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