So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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