The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
