he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
