Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
