I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
