I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
