dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
