Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
