like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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