also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
