one word: firstdatebathroomanal
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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