He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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