now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
