Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
