just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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