so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
