Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
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