i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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