Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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