just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
