my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
