you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
