This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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