marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
