I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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