I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you would pick up someone in the library
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have tasted many bathrooms
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