my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
