I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
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On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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