The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
