Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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