I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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